Time to go back to school, folks. I recognize that coming back (whether that’s in “brick and mortar” or online) might be tough. I mean, every year that I’ve done this work there is a certain amount of stress coming back after the break. Given the current set up, I imagine this year might be even harder. In the past, I watched teachers spend time in January re-starting the year, maybe going over classroom norms, having children set goals for the next semester/quarter and getting to know each other again.

I am advocating for teachers to do even more of that this year. Maybe in some scripted ways, like having students answer questions one at a time or in breakout groups, but also in small ways that you might have when you were in person.

Use those moments when you are waiting for kids to join the class, or waiting while someone mutes or unmutes, while someone has gone off for a pencil or their book. They are opportunities to connect. Tell your students something about yourself (as a way to get them started) and give them a chance to share with you.

In these spaces I often hear teachers asking what I think of as filler questions that assume a certain kind of life “What are you doing this weekend?” or “What will you do with the rest of your day?” or “what are you having for lunch?” Some questions lean heavily on good/bad distinctions, like “What’s one good thing and one hard thing from this week?” or “What is your favorite ice cream?”

I think they are common questions when we were all in school buildings, and might seem harmless, but in the current context, they may have unintended consequences. For many kids they are a reminder of things they miss, or of worries they might have. 25% of children in the US were suffering from food insecurity before this pandemic, I can only imagine the number has gone up. If your parents are working in some essential work, you may be spending your weekends waiting for them to come home. Maybe they couldn’t travel to see family, maybe family members were sick so couldn’t visit. And I don’t have anything against ice cream, but I hear that question asked so often in classrooms that I find it fairly surface, and one that kids quickly copy each other on, or mock people who like something too different.

I am encouraging educators to ask more neutral questions, ones that highlight our common humanity rather than highlighting differences, and that value experience over good/bad judgements. You might need to help them out to begin with, because they might be different than what they are used to. Here are some examples:

Tell about one sound you really like (like bacon frying or the click of your game controller)

What’s one word that surprised you when you learned it?

Tell about a favorite scent (peanut butter, bacon, bubble bath or even hand sanitizer)

What is one flavor you can easily bring to mind

What you miss and/or don’t miss about being in the school building?

What song have you played on repeat lately?

What is one sense memory from being in the school building?

If you could go right now and get ice cream, what flavor would you get? (maybe start them off with, “For me, I usually eat strawberry, but today I really feel like rocky road” – give them an opportunity to check in with themselves rather than blurt out a simple “chocolate!”)

If you are going to ask questions about favorites check in on:

Favorite author Favorite singer/rapper

Favorite you-tuber Favorite cereal

Favorite game (video or other) Favorite app/website

Image shows the ASL “Y” shape, thumb and pinky out, other fingers folded in. For the SAME sign, the palm is down/neutral, and the hand moves back and forth between you and the other person.

Pay attention for other students connecting – so if you are in a zoom room give them a hand signal for “me too!” It could be the one that looks like the American Sign Language sign for SAME, but maybe something bigger in a zoom room.

Smiling African American girl with both hands up by her face, fingers wide open.

It could be the double jazz hands, or arms straight up in the air. It could even be a single word…like “Yessssss” with the “s” drawn out so it’s easy to know it’s being said even if there are multiple kids agreeing.

Please do not ask students to write about what the did over winter break. This is not trauma informed and can cause real harm for some students. Please, please, please. In most cases, this is not a connector. If you must ask for a free writing sample, try “If you had a magic wand and could go anywhere, where would you go?” or “If you could ask your pet one question, what would it be and what would be their answer?”

Connection is about acknowledging that we share a common humanity. Help students understand that they have things in common with you and each other.

(banner photo shows five hands making the peace sign, finger tips touching to form a star, with a blue sky and clouds in the background - get it? Connecting?)