Doing...or Being?

It’s hard to write lately. Not just blog posts, either. It’s hard to write proposals for presenting, or descriptions of what I’ll present on, it’s even hard to write emails. I’m here today mostly because I know that writing often helps me feel better. I’m in a dark place, y’all, dark and sad. I keep looking out at the world and seeing all the hurt and harm and I feel…despair. I know I’m supposed to be holding hope, but I gotta tell you, lately I don’t feel all that hopeful myself.

I have migraines several days a week, despite doing ALL the things (food, exercise, medication, meditation, etc.). I feel heavy and nothing (food, exercise, meditation, you get the idea) makes a difference. I joined a virtual running group with a plan which I have carried out faithfully, but I generally still feel slow and have to force myself to go every time. I’m sitting in my running clothes right now, in fact, procrastinating.

ID: Pictures of my hand holding migraine meds. I take a picture because it’s more reliable than trying to remember what time I took them.

When I come to write on this blog, I want to provide people with ideas, strategies, and possibilities. The thing is, when we are experiencing high levels of stress, creativity is one of the things that falls by the wayside. When I come here, I want to remind y’all to take care of yourselves, to put your mental health at the top of your list. I know that I’m not doing that very well, however, so it’s hard to encourage others. I know that I’m seriously burnt out, but I am having a hard time utilizing my own strategies.

ID: Krispy Kreme donuts on the conveyor belt. On the right, freshly fried donuts move towards the sheet of melted glaze that comes out of a contraption that spans the belt. On the left, newly bathed in sugary goodness, are the finished product.

I’m trying. I’m remembering to say no to foods that feel bad in my body after I eat them, like donuts. I mean, I love me some Krispy Kreme, but after I eat them the gluten gathers up like a rock in my stomach. So yesterday I made some gluten free brownies. They were so good, even my person (a woman who loves all things gluten) liked them! I continue to RSVP to classes at the box (which gets me there cuz they charge $5 for no-shows). I joined a virtual running group with helps me keep up with my running. I try to keep my reading list varied between all the terrible things I need to know about and fun, gentle things that give me hope.

Except…all of these are still me “doing” things. I am feeling a serious overload of “doing.” I am doing all the time, and if I’m not doing, I’m thinking about what I should be doing. Or should have already done. The thing I’m missing most in my life right now, is space and time to do nothing – to just be. We all need those moments where we are just spacing out, free floating, allowing our brains to wander. That’s where cool ideas come in, where new exciting connections get made.

How do you make slow down the doing, and make space to just be? To let your mind float and create and make new connections?

ID: Blue skies and bright white clouds and the top of the Bay Bridge. I took it myself.

Banner Image: Red, pink, purple and white storm clouds - courtesy Unsplash: Andrea Ferrario

Focus

When I started doing Crossfit, I pushed hard. And then I hurt myself. No surprise there.

ID: Group of people (mostly women) standing together in a gym. They are wearing red shirts, most with the Incredibles’ logo on the front. They are wearing black eye masks that makes them look sneaky. This is my Crossfit Open team from 2019. I’m in there but hard to pick out because red shirts and masks. My head is shaved, and my shirt is plain red.

After a long recuperation period, I came back, and I’ll admit it, I was scared. I was super gentle with myself. I modified every workout, I kept the weights low. And I got pretty comfortable there, in the slow, light lane.

Then I started working with a personal trainer and discovered, hey, I actually am still pretty strong. I felt good and started challenging myself more.

Then the shelter in place happened and all that screeched to a halt.

But the gym kept up with virtual, body weight workouts. I stopped modifying everything because I was worried I was going to lose my progress. But “do everything hard” seemed like a bad plan (see above) so I started choosing just one part of the workout to focus on, like burpees (I’d tilt the camera up so no one could see me floundering there on the floor). Or I’d focus on staying consistent with speed or weight.

ID: Five drawn images of a woman in shorts and tank top that shows how to do a burpee. 1. hands on the floor in front of her feet. 2. Flat out like she’s in the bottom of a pushup (thighs and chest are supposed to touch the floor) 3. Up in the top of push up position 4. Back to position one, hands and feet close togther 5. Arms extended overhead, jumping up. Now that I’ve done this description, I realize it probably doesn’t make sense.

When we come back to the gym (we work out in the parking lot), I found that I could do a lot of the workouts just as they were written! I mean, granted, when we first came back, the coach definitely took into account that many of us had not slung heavy weights in MONTHS, so I think those first workouts were probably already modified, but ANYWAY. I impressed myself!

And guess what? The idea of focusing on one thing? It isn’t a new idea. I remember someone saying to me long ago, “When you run, you can focus on speed or distance, but not both.” I also remember scoffing internally and then suffering through years of “too hard” running. I also remember reading a journal article about the myth of multitasking, that at best people can get better at “serial tasking,” switching from one task to another quickly. It also showed that people generally lose quality whenever they attempt to multitask. Here’s a 7-minute video that tells about some of these studies and if you aren’t interested in that, I encourage you to watch this 2 minute video called The Monkey Business Illusion. It’s worth it, I promise. Even if you’ve already seen it.

Focusing on one thing has helped me get faster and stronger, too. When I remember to carry this simple idea into my workday, it helps me be more efficient and feel better about the work I do. Focusing on one thing allows us the opportunity to find the flow in our work, which increases feelings of satisfaction.

ID: One women in workout clothes sitting on the floor at the gym, me squatting near her, both of us smiling. This is at the Open a year after the picture up top. My favorite thing about the gym are moments like these, sharing that feeling of tired and satisfied.

It’s interesting where life lessons come from, isn’t it? And how you might hear that message in one place at one time in your life, but it doesn’t really sink in until you hear it again? Or maybe even several times? If you’ve heard this idea before, I challenge you to try it out today, see if it works for you. If this is the first time you’ve heard it, I challenge you, too.

Banner Image: A huge group of people in workout clothes at the gym. Everyone is smiling, some people are sitting on the floor, some hanging on the pull up rig in the back.