I’m writing a book. Well, I suppose it’s more honest to say I was writing a book. I started at the end of the last school year, and got some good work done, but at a certain point I become convinced I was not going to be able to manage it. In part I wondered if anyone would want to read a book about what we can do about racial trauma in schools. I hear from educators regularly that they appreciate my talk, all except for the part about racism. Sometimes they tell me they don’t see how racism is connected to public education. Sometimes they tell me that while racism might be at work in other places, in their town/city/school, that isn’t the case.

The other part I wonder about is if I’m the right person to write it. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I feel extra-super competent, like I offered someone just the right support or presented difficult material in just the right way…but there are many days when I doubt my abilities.

I wonder if I’m good enough, if I’m skilled enough, if I really know enough to make useful suggestions. I wonder if anyone will read what I write or if they do that it will be helpful to them. All these wonderings become worries, and worries have a way of interrupting the writing. They get so big I cannot think around them.

Over the last few months, I’ve opened up the book document many times, looked over the 15 thousand words I already have and then go completely blank. It’s infuriating and demoralizing. Thinking about it today I was reminded of this poem by Shel Silverstein:

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” Shel Silverstein

I realized that I’ve been listening to my own version of the mustn’ts, don’ts and impossibles, and that I’ve let them get in the way.

I was also reminded recently that writing is a creative act, and is more about getting the words out into the world than convincing anyone to read them. I have written all of my life, and the urge to get the words out used to be much stronger than the mustn’ts. I spent some time remembering why I started this project today, and I am ready to start again.

I’m officially back at it, folx. I’ll keep you updated.