Compassion, Comfort and Connection

Oct 13

I love books. I read. A lot. I finish several books a week. I am nearly indiscriminate in my reading – except that I only read BIPOC authors for the past four years (alright, I admit I did read the new Stephan King and the new Dan Siegal). I read middle-grade and young adult and regular grow-up fiction as well as non-fiction. I read about racism, school organization, sleep, food, health, teaching, mental health, the “justice” system – really anything that catches my attention.

Image- circles of control, inside circle shows things “I can control” including: My positive attitude; turning off the news; finding fun things to do; Limiting my social media. Outside the circle are Things I Cannot Control, including: If others fol… — Image- circles of control, inside circle shows things “I can control” including: My positive attitude; turning off the news; finding fun things to do; Limiting my social media. Outside the circle are Things I Cannot Control, including: If others follow the rules of social distancing; The actions of others; How long this will last; Predicting what will happen.

I used to even have a blog all about books – Books Past and Future, I called it. I wanted to keep track of all the books I wanted to read and had read (no, never going to use Goodreads). The trouble was, I found it hard to write about every book.

There are so many things out of our control in the world! And these days they may feel more intense. With so many things out of our control, what are the things we do have control over?

First, we can show compassion to ourselves and one another. If you find your internet going out right when you are in the middle of a lesson, breathe a few long, slow breaths while you wait for it to come back on. When you come back in, ask students what they last heard you say, so they can help you get back on track. There is nothing you can do about such things (beyond calling for internet help), so best to keep your stress about that down. If students pop in and out, or turn their cameras off and on, let’s extend that same compassion. In all those cases we also have very little control, and we don’t have to spend a lot of resources being upset about it. And in some of those cases, our students don’t have much control either.

Also, in these very uncertain times, find ways to be comfortable re: where you spend your teaching time. I know many teachers who in the brick and mortar days spent all day on their feet and rarely even took a bathroom break during the school day. Not because they were martyrs, but because it often felt like there weren’t other options. Working remotely means you have a little bit of say on where you spend your teaching time. When I did my beginning of the year professional development Zooms this year, I saw most of the teachers sitting at their kitchen tables. I understand the idea behind this. Maybe it’s well lit, and doesn’t show too much of the inside of your house. Also, it’s work, so it should be done in a hard chair (that’s just a joke). The problem is that over time, those seating arrangements are going to get uncomfortable. That’s why in offices people have rolling, cushioned chairs with arms, sit-stand desks, footrests and staff lounges. I want to encourage you all to find at least 2 places in your home where you can sit or stand and be online with your students. Maybe you spend an hour a day on the couch, then the other time at the kitchen table. And when you take a break, get up from where you are teaching, and move to your “lounge.” Which might be your bedroom, or standing in front of the fridge, hunting for a snack.

Image: kitchen table with open laptop, phone and flowers in a vase.

Maite taking over my desk chair/ bean bag.

Veteran teachers who are used to having their plans and tools at the ready find themselves needing to start over. More recently graduated teachers may find themselves adrift without mentors close by. Many teachers at all levels of practice, however, are finding themselves missing the very thing they want the most, time with children. How can we connect to our students in the virtual world? I know that some of you may be thinking that it isn’t possible, but I gotta tell you, millions of people make friendships online all the time (online gaming). Some people even find partners online (also online gaming plus dating apps). It can be done.

Images shows icons for more dating apps than I knew existed.

To start, spend some time each day connecting with your students on a personal level. Not every student, every day. Just one student, each day. I encourage you to pick a student, and try to connect for 3 days in a row. Then pick another student. This connection might be a story about your life, or it might be asking about their favorite music. It might be about a TV show or jumping rope.